So Close
by TsukiNamida
Summary: Rose ponders a betrayal she never believed she'd know, specially from those who mattered the most to her. With so much going on, a new life is best. Here is a look into her thoughts before leaving Court. Multi-Shot. Sequel in the works.
1. Chapter 1

This is what happens when I'm feeling blue and have certain music playing while thinking of VA. Yes, the idea is cliche. I understand that. But heck, I wanted my own go at it! This is a one-shot at the idea of Rose leaving and actually, for the most part, being okay.

Enjoy.

* * *

There was pain, the kind of pain that never leaves you. It wasn't physical at all; it was the kind that no one can ever really see unless you let them. The kind that will always be there though hidden from view and at any moment can, no, will be renewed. It was not only having a broken heart but also a betrayal that ran deeper than blood. It was a pain that I never thought I would experience specifically from the people I loved the most. And, well so I thought, loved me. Now, I know it was all a lie.

If they truly loved me, they wouldn't have done what they did. I tried being patient though I'll admit I might have failed a few times as patience is most definitely not one of my virtues. In fact I tend to rush into things without thinking of the consequences. I've been called reckless and stupid. But in all my stupidity I would never have done something so horrible as to betray the one person who was always there.

I had an inkling that it was happening. Call it a sixth sense or a shadow kissed perk. But I knew. It was something that I denied for the better course of two months. There was a connection there, one I could never hope to understand, one that I would hope to never have to form either. It pained me when I finally stopped blocking her only to find myself in a loving embrace that was never meant for me. It pained me when the kiss was not given to me, the loving murmurs in that sultry voice, weren't for me. It pained me that the love of my life loved another woman's body and worse, it was my best friend, my sister for all that mattered. The betrayal was one that I should have never known.

But I do.

I should have told him what they were doing but I couldn't. I just…couldn't. It wasn't right for me to do that to him. He deserved happiness too. So I would let him find out on his own and drag it out. I hope they lie to him when he finds out, make him think it was only once. But he will know. Besides, if he knew he sure as hell wouldn't keep silent about it. And this is not what the society needed, to have a scandal with their queen.

I couldn't help but laugh bitterly; even now I still tried to protect her. They do come first, don't they?

But I want to come first. The hell with them.

The hell with her, with him.

I glance out the window; everything is decorated in Christmas decorations. "What a nice gift they have given me." I can't help but mutter as I look at my packed bags.

I'm not running away. No, I'm not. I'm saving myself from going insane. From doing something stupid. I'm…Getting a chance to start at a save point and continue on a different path, for lack of a better explanation. No, because Rose Hathaway doesn't runaway. Hell no. She stands proudly and dishes more than people can take. She's violent and spontaneous and doesn't think what her actions will cause, doesn't care about consequences.

A kick.

"But I can't exactly think about myself only, now can I?" a bit of bitterness there.

Finally I was going to live for myself, to go out into the world and for once put myself first. Least that was what was supposed to happen. But once again, life loves to fuck me.

Dhampir's can't have kids with other dhampir's. Apparently, I didn't get the damn memo. I'm pregnant. I didn't sleep with anyone but Dimitri. It was once again, something magical. It happened while we were on the run but he told me it was a mistake. It should have never happened. The way he said it, like if everything had been a lie. It broke me more than those damn words ever did. I just wanted to disappear.

Adrian…I messed us up royally. I told him and his reaction was not good. Though, should I have expected any different? I mean really. But at least I told him. I haven't talked to him since. Everyone else is happy so how can I go and mess things up by letting them know I was metaphorically at my lowest point? I couldn't. Rose Hathaway could never sink so low. Hell, she's unsinkable!

Yes, I've been wallowing a bit, but I'm getting better.

Another kick.

"Aren't you a lively little brat?" I ask though with a bit of affection. While a part of me resented the idea of having to keep taking care of someone, a part of me relished in it. It gave me purpose. It would also keep loneliness away.

It moved.

"Hell, maybe you'll be an athlete?"

And it would have a choice. It wouldn't be like me. It wouldn't know suffering like me. It will be happy, being a professional athlete or hell, even a doctor. I will support my child, and may the gods have mercy on whoever tries to stop my baby.

I can't help but rub my stomach. I'm not showing as most people would at this stage. Covering up has been easier than expected though I'll start to show soon as my clothes fit tight now. Thankfully being Lissa's guardian also meant I'm able to stay at court. I don't go out which means I have been able to avoid strenuous workouts. I'm glad, I can't screw this up. I won't lose my baby.

I close my eyes and hear it, "Moya princesca."

I shudder snapping out of it, that language was once reserved for only me. Well hell, guess that means he uses it on everyone.

A knock on the door and I see a familiar face, "Old man!" I say to my father.

"Hey kid, it's good to see you."

"Yeah, same here. So we good to go?"

"Of course." He says motioning to his guardians and they grab my bags. I'm about to complain but a look shuts me up, "So. You have your pick as to where you want to go. I have safe houses all over the world and they can be prepped at a moment's notice."

I walk along following, not bothering to glance back. "Hmm. Decisions, decisions." I smirk, "I hear California is a good place to visit! Got a place in Beverly Hills or something?"

He laughs, "Actually, I do."

"No way!"

"Of course, I don't joke about such matters. So California?"

"Um, yea sure. I might just roam until…"

"Ah yes. But I won't allow it once the time comes. You will settle."

"Course." We're in the car now. I'm looking out the window, seeing Court fade away.

"Rose?"

"Hm?"

"I could have him killed."

I laugh, "No. Just leave it be, please. I don't want that. I just want to fade away to live my life, raise my child and get annoying visits from you. I don't want them to hurt. I want them happy. Then I can be happy too."

He groans, "Don't know where you got that from. Certainly not me and I have yet to see it in your mother."

I snort, "That's cause I'm Rose Hathaway, I'm my own form of crazy." I grin.

"Clearly." He states drily.

I laugh, "Well, that mansion better be ready by the time I get there." I say cockily.

"What makes you think it's a mansion?" he shoots back.

"Oh, because it's you?"

He grins, "Damn straight."

My hands are around my stomach, a new beginning. I'll check up on them, but I won't interfere. I have a new life now.

"So who am I now?"

"Rosemarie Ashford."

My heart clenches for a second but I smile, "Thanks. I'm sure he would've approved."

He says nothing and I glance at the jet on the runway; my new life is mere hours away. A part of me wonders what everyone will think when they realize I'm gone and find what I left.

I get out making my way.

But a part of me doesn't care. I'm in it for my kid now. I'm in it for us. I smile. Things will get better. I know it.

* * *

So, did ya hate it? Love it? First one-shot ever. ^^


	2. Chapter 2

Oh wow, I wasn't expecting such a response. Thank you, I'm glad you all liked it. While I'm not sure if I will continue, I got into another writing mood and wrote this up to go along with it. This piece is basically letters Rose left in her apartment for them to find.

* * *

Lissa,

I know. I know what has been happening. You and Dimitri…Well, let's just say it hurts. A lot. I mean, you were more than my best friend, you were my sister. What kind of sister does that? What did I do that made you do that, knowing exactly how I felt? I don't know if you actually were trying to hide it because I wasn't looking. I knew though. Guess we can call it a sixth sense or something, right? I really hope you at least tried to block me…

It doesn't matter though.

I'm angry, angry at so many things.

Yet I can't exactly say much on here. But either way, I think you realize where this is going. I think by now you realized that I'm not there. I'm curious, how long did it take you to peel away from him to notice my absence?

…I'm a bit bitter, I know.

Well, obviously I'm gone. And no, I won't be coming back. It's a fresh start. I really do hope it was worth it though. No excuses, no trying to play it off as the "special" bond from bringing him back. Because that's bull.

Honestly any other person would make a scene, hell normally I would. But I'm being the bigger person. I don't want to ruin the queen's image now do I? Since right now you're in a "crucial stage" at making the society better, right? I can't let the society break down or anything over something so…trivial. I'm not that selfish, or as selfish as some people may think.

Anyway, there really isn't much more to say. Take care of yourself. Be good to Christian. He really loves you. And I hope you love him as much as he does. Do some good for the society; don't let dhampir's get the shitty end of the stick as always. Be a good queen.

Don't look for me. I want to be happy. I will be happy.

Rose.

P.S. Don't worry about the darkness. Oh and I really hope you used protection.

* * *

Adrian,

I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. I hope you actually get to read this. I know it'll reach your hands the question is whether you will actually read it or throw it away. Honestly I think you'll rip it to shreds and burn it. But if for some miracle you do read it, well…I am truly sorry. Sorry I couldn't love you the way you loved me, love you the way you deserve. You're not a bad person. And you do deserve happiness.

Which is why what I'm about to tell you is so very, very important.

Go out and live. Don't drown yourself in alcohol. Trust me the world has way too many people out there for you not to meet someone. Hell, aren't we suffering from over population? There must definitely be plenty of women who could match you.

I'm sorry,

Rose

* * *

Hey fire crotch,

I'm such a hopeless case aren't I? Can't even handle a simple rejection. Either way, I'm going to be better now. So do me a favor and never stop loving her. Make sure she doesn't get overloaded with work. Keep her grounded. Smack some sense into her since I won't be there. She loves you, I know she does.

I know you probably don't understand why. But trust me, it's for the best. So do me a favor and say goodbye for me to everyone who didn't get a letter. Cause you know, my hands getting all cramped and crap. Heh, it kind of rhymes.

Just so you know you are the most annoying person I have ever met and you infuriate me to no end. But I love your dumbass so don't let society change you. Got that? Good.

Oh and remember, try not to burn down the house.

Rose

* * *

Dimitri,

You're a fucking idiot. And you called me reckless? So much for not thinking things fully and clearly or seeing the consequences of your choices. I think you need to take your own damn Zen life advice.

Protect her for me. It's the least you can do.

Have a good life.

Rose

* * *

I hope I channeled Rose though I will admit it felt natural to write them the way they are. And I am wondering if anyone noticed a pattern. Well, hope to find out what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much! You all had such kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed it, as requested, the reactions! Warning, it's late here so there may be mistakes and stuff. So continue at your own risk.

* * *

Lissa sighed as she walked to Rose's apartment. She hadn't showed up for her duties and so far no one could contact her. While she knew she had been harsh with her recently because of Dimitri, ignoring her duties was something she should not be doing. And as her bestfriend, it was her duty to get her. She had sent a message through the bond but never received any response. Honestly she had expected a phone call within minutes.

But nothing.

A part of her was worried but another part believed she was merely doing this for attention. A temper tantrum of sorts. At least she really hoped so despite the fact Rose never ignored her calls through the bond.

"Lissa?" Asked Christian sounding worried.

She felt guilt well up inside of her as she remembered last night with Dimitri…She couldn't help it, something had just clicked between them and no matter how much she told herself it was wrong, there was something there that just felt…well, right. She hated it as much as she loved it.

She still felt guilty though, and tried to hide it through the bond. So far she had been lucky that Rose had not been paying attention, many times she forgot to try to block her out. But knowing Rose, if she knew she would have exploded at her and caused a scene, something she couldn't afford. Which is why she knew she had been lucky, no witness.

"Yes Christian?" she asked with a smile.

"You okay?"

"Of course. Just a bit worried about Rose. I know this whole Dimitri thing has her angry and what not, but it's for the best for now. Which she doesn't agree with."

He said nothing and her mind wandered again.

Dimitri.

She felt a connection to him, one that she had never felt with anyone else. The way he treated her, well it was magnificent. Though at times she wondered if he was the way he was with her solely because he felt indebted to her. She banished that thought. No. He must truly have feelings for her.

Right?

Arriving at Rose's place, she pushed all thoughts back. She pulled out her spare key and unlocked it. Once inside she looked around, "Rose?"

Nothing.

"Rose? Are you here? Come on if this is some joke please stop, you have any idea how much you are putting me behind schedule?"

"Liss?"

She glanced at him, "Yes Christian?"

"Her stuff is gone." He said from the doorway to her room.

"What?" she said sharply as she made her way. Sure enough her closet door was opened and empty. She went through the drawers only to find them empty as well.

"Look," he said as he held up an envelope marked Lissa on the bed, there were three other ones.

Lissa felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach, she had a bad feeling about this.

"Should we open them now? Or wait to give everyone else theirs?" she could tell he was uneasy about the situation as well.

She bit her lip, "well…" she glanced at the envelope, looking at it as if it might bite her, "Perhaps we should open ours now."

She took hers and quickly opened it before he could even pick up his.

She felt her heart drop to her stomach, she knew. Oh god, she knew! She continued reading; she couldn't help but feel horrible. What the hell had she done? She had done the one thing she would never had thought to have done. And now she was gone. She felt tears prick her eyes.

'_Please, Rose I'm sorry! Come back! We can work this out!_' she begged through the bond. She needed her! She couldn't just leave her, she was her guardian! She couldn't just abandon her! ...Right?

Then panic shot through her as she realized she had left a letter for Christian. She had told him? Anger coursed through her. Anger and betrayal. She was being a hypocrite but she couldn't help it. She was about to defend herself, plead insanity when Christian let out a growl, "That bastard! She left because of him. She couldn't take him not loving her." He crumbled the letter but then thought twice about it, smoothing it out.

Relief.

She hadn't told him. She glanced back at her 's and she couldn't help but go pale at the last line, they hadn't used protection. Oh god. She felt the room spin but got ahold of herself. The last thing she needed was for her to pass out and Christian read her letter. Crap, what was she going to do?

"Come on. We need to tell the others."

She nodded mutely as he wrapped an arm around her, holding her comfortingly. She hadn't told him. And if it was up to her, he would never know.

'_God, what if I am pregnant?_' A voice in her mind questioned.

She wasn't entirely there the way home. In fact, it wasn't until everyone had gathered that she finally snapped out of it. Everyone was there, even Adrian.

"I know this is sudden but it's concerning Rose," He said. Adrian scoffed and was about to retort, "She's gone."

Everyone froze.

"What do you mean gone?" asked Eddie.

"I mean, she left. Apparently, she couldn't handle rejection." He said, staring Dimitri down. A look of guilt passed though Lissa knew it wasn't for the reason everyone was thinking, "She left a letter for Adrian and Dimitri. Told me in mine to tell everyone goodbye…I don't think she's coming back."

Silence permeated the room. Christian went over to Adrian handing him his envelope then to Dimitri.

Lissa watched as Dimitri eyes seemed to bulge before his guardian mask came on. Adrian on the other hand looked like he was questioning whether or not to read it. With a sigh he opened it. He looked pained, like it physically hurt him to read that letter. He looked away once he was done and remained silent before folding the letter up and pocketing it.

"Well?" asked Mia. They all looked at her, "What did she say?"

They all stood quiet.

Lissa pulled herself together, "Well…She told me she couldn't handle it. Told me that it was just too painful. And not to look for her because she wanted to be happy."

They all stood quiet, only Dimitri and herself knowing the true reason for her departure.

They turned to Dimitri, reproachful. "This is your fault, you're a retard Belikov." Came from the least expectant person, Adrian. The air tensed as he was about to retort before Adrian cut him off, "Everything she did, she did for you. _**Because she loves you**_. She was willing to forgive you and move on but you just had to wallow in self-pity. Well congratulations because I doubt you'll ever find a girl that devoted." They were silent as he pulled out a cig and lit it up.

"I have to agree with him," this time it was Eddie, "You keep saying Lissa is your savior for bringing you up but…Rose was the one who did everything to find the solution. She was the one who went through hell and moved heaven and earth to find the alternative. If it wasn't for her, you'd still be strigoi."

Mia couldn't but agree, "Yea and going by that logic, wouldn't that mean you'd hate Lissa? You say you can't forgive yourself for what you did to her yet Lissa was the one who brought you back. Rather than saying she saved you, shouldn't it have been her condemning you to a life of regret?" she asked though not in a malicious way, she was genuinely curious as to why he had acted the way he had with Rose.

Dimitri was frozen and didn't know what to say. It made sense. So much sense…

"Enough!" came Lissa's regal objection, "You're ganging up on him. Leave him alone, Rose can't blame him for her actions that lead to this. And anyways, I doubt she'll stay away. She has her duty, she's probably just cooling off so time will go by and she won't do anything stupid."

They stared at her but most of them backed down. Most.

Adrian snorted, "Please. He's an idiot…" he said looking faraway in the distance, staring at nothing, "And…" he paused before shaking out of it, "I'm out." He said leaving before they could say anything.

Lissa just sighed, "Look, don't worry. She'll be back alright? We just have to give her space."

"I don't know Lissa, she sounded serious in my letter." Said Christian.

She sighed, exasperated, "That's what she wants! She's doing this for attention! Look give it time and she'll come around, I mean where could she go?" That stumped them, "See? Well, let's get going then. I have stuff to do." And with that, the meeting was ended and Lissa was making her way to her room to grab an extra jacket.

Lissa hoped she was right and that Rose would return to her. She was her guardian, she had to. She was heading to her room when she was pulled into another room. She was startled but relaxed upon seeing Dimitri.

"We need to talk."

* * *

Uh, am I horrible? Yes, Yes I am. X3

And while I know some of you expressed wanting Rose with someone else, I'm not sure if that will happen. One thing for sure, she won't be with Adrian, he is mine after all. Lol! But Rose and Dimitri flow good together…I just think Rose is should be given more credit for all the crap she's done for everyone.

If I do continue on after the next chapter (Oh goodness, I've committed to one more!), I may make it into two stories. One where she is happy with someone else and they meet up with her and stuff happens. OR one where she somehow ends up back in moroi society. Personally I like the latter because it would show how she's grown more efficiently. Gah! THIS IS ALL A BIG IF!

One look at my file and you can see I have issues finishing stuff, which is why I was like, One-Shot! Yesh! Done! Though honestly, the plot bunny was there I was just trying to control it.

Sorry for my ramblings! Reviews would be lovely, they make me smile when I have to get up at the crack of dawn to get to work and make my day a bit nicer. ^^


	4. Chapter 4

Lissa looked up at him, "Yes?" she asked after a minute or so of silence.

"What are we going to do?" he finally asks.

"About?"

"Rose!"

She couldn't help but stare before laughing, "she'll be back, don't worry. She's just having a small temper tantrum. Trust me, she won't be gone long, she does have her duty up uphold."

He shook his head, "No. Not that. Well, not only that. _She knows_." He can't help but emphasize the last part. "She knows and…What we did was wrong." He says after another moment of silence.

She froze, "Yes well…I…" she didn't know what to say. What _could_ she say? They had both hurt her but she would forgive them. She was just like that, it was Rose and Rose always took care of her.

"We can't be doing this anymore."

She looked up sharply, "What?!" she exclaimed, anger boiling inside. Was he saying this because of Rose?

"Look, it's…it's not right. You're with Christian. And you're the queen. I'm nothing more than a dhampir, your guardian. If people were to find out then it could be used against you, to try to remove you from the crown." And it's wrong he silently added. What had happened earlier with the letter and everyone else had been a wakeup call. How could he have done that? Knowing full well that Rose loved him and that Lissa, who was not only the queen and with Christian, was Rose's best-friend. How could he have done that? He tried to think what on earth had compelled him to think that that would have been okay. Perhaps he was trying to give Rose an actual reason to hate him, so he wouldn't have to deal with what he did to her.

"Dimitri look we can-"

"No. We can't. What we did was wrong and I…We should be ashamed of ourselves."

Anger flared in her, the whispers were starting again. He saw something shift in her, a darkness was surfacing. Was this the very same darkness that plagued Rose?

"No. Listen here. You and I did something wrong but it was great! I'm happy and so are you. Is that so wrong?" she asked coldly.

"Lissa-"

"No. We won't be stopping. I want this. And Christian would understand, I know he will."

"You and I both know it's not true. He'd be devastated. And he won't be like Rose and keep quiet. I'm sorry, but we can't." He turned to walk away, knowing that when Rose returned he owed her an apology, at the very least.

"What if I'm pregnant?"

He froze, a chill running through his spine. While he did owe Lissa a lot for turning him despite having kidnapped her, the idea of her having his child felt wrong.

"We didn't use protection. What if I am?"

"Then you're going to have a hard time explaining to Christian why you gave birth to a dhampir child." He said after a minute of silence.

She recoiled back, anger rushing through her, "That's it? Going to abandon me and the child if I am? You're no better than a moroi using dhampir women!" she snarled.

He was glad he had his back to her because it felt like someone had punched him. His eyes were wide and he couldn't help anger that attacked him before shoving it way down, putting his guardian mask on before turning to her, "Then what do you propose?"

Lissa stared flinching slightly at the mask he wore, her anger subsiding, "I…I don't know." She looked away, "But…" her voice was low, "What if I am?"

"Well, it's not a for sure thing yet. I'm not sure we should be getting ahead of this. For all we know, you're not. And all this going around is for nothing. We need facts first. So I think you should get tested, see if it's positive or negative. Have you skipped?"

"I don't know! With everything going on I haven't been keeping track! Between trying to help you, keeping Rose away from you and running moroi society, I haven't exactly had time for myself let alone that!" she snapped.

Dimitri couldn't help but stare, her mood was definitely all over the place. One moment she was angry, the next she was alright. She was never this moody, then again now she had so much more stress on her.

"Well, first thing is first. Pregnancy test."

"We can't go to a doctor!"

"Obviously. Store bought tests for now. Then we go from there."

Lissa bit her lip, fear finally creeping up on her, if she was…Christian would understand, right? She and Dimitri had shared a wonderful moment.

_And if not, you can make him understand…_

There. That whisper. The same whisper that had encouraged her to act out on her feelings for Dimitri.

_You can make them all understand. You are the one in control. _

She was in charge. But should she listen to it?

_After all; nothing a smile here, a bat of the eyes there can't handle. _

She suddenly felt more confident. She smiled, "Well, sounds great!" she said with more vigor. "You'll have to get it, of course. I can't exactly go out and buy it without everyone sticking their noses in my business. So for now, go get it. Then we'll see what we do." She commanded, sounding every bit the queen she was.

Dimitri nodded slowly, "Alright." He stared at her for a moment. There had been a shift in her and while a part of him wanted to ask what that was, another part knew it would anger her. And he really didn't want to deal with it just yet. With that he turned and left.

Lissa stood there for a moment before grabbing her jacket.

_Everything can be yours…_

_You're not the same weak little moroi from high school, you can handle anything they throw at you._

And she would. She would prevail and when Rose came back after she cooled down, she would forgive her. After all, she was her best friend and even though she abandoned her, abandoned her queen, she would be the bigger person.

She smiled as everything began to look up, even if momentarily. Things would definitely turn up alright.

_Take charge. You are the queen. Nothing can stop you._

* * *

Um…..Yeah, I had a bunch of stuff happen. Then school started and I got promoted at work so I haven't really had time to do anything. I've gone from having lots of time for school and some work to work, school, work and a whole new dept. to deal with. I'm just trying to balance it out. And I'm really stressed. And when I'm stressed something ends up being neglected. Right now it's school since I can't seem to focus. So I decided to write this up. Yep, should either be actually paying attention to class or at the very least studying for my midterm next class but I just can't seem to care. Whoops.

So. I finally updated…Not really sure whether I like it or hate it. I actually was debating whether or not leaving at the last chapter but sat my butt down and actually wrote. So far what I've been wanting to write was the sequel though that idea is still up for discussion. Not sure where I'll go with this so yeah. If I do write a sequel, it may not be for a while as 4th quarter is coming up and with school, yeah. So it might be after the holidays. OR, I could write and post it up but updates may be scarce till the end of holiday time. Not too sure.

Anyways, I've rambled enough. Let me know what you think. And now I'm off to surely fail my test. -.-


End file.
